Not growing up

What is time? This never ending clock that follows me. You don’t realize time flies until you look back at crusty memories from microwavable soups and long party nights.

My last year of college has brought me to a realization that i hope many others in my situation have thought about too.

That life is just a funny thing you see.

Because while I had my entire life planned out: At 13 years old, I knew what colleges to apply to. At 16 years old, I knew what I wanted to study. And at 19 years old, I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I graduated.

I learned that it all was for nothing.

Because here I stand, 21 years old in my last and final college year. And I have no clue what I’m doing.

I have no idea where I want to end up or where I plan to go. I’ve learned that plans are simply limitations we place on ourselves. This idea that we feel like we are in control when we really aren’t. 

So while I hear all the stories of post graduate life and the questions roll in from every busy body that approaches me, “What’s next?,” I simply nod and say who knows. 

Who knows? 

Because while I always thought I had my life figured out, it always managed to surprise me. 

I made friends with the most random strangers that are practically my family now. I’ve broken hearts as much as I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve learned the use of the word “no” and I’ve learned that smiling even when life is throwing darts at you is always the best route to go. 

So I sit here, unaware of where my life will take me in the next few years. 

Fear. Yes I’m scared. Yes I wish I had everything figured out. 

But whats the fun in that? 

I want to wake up one morning in 10 years and look back laughing and think “wow, this is not what I pictured.” 

The most I can do as a person is give everything my all. 

To love, and laugh, and live, and be free. 

Because I’ll never have this moment of spontaneity and risk taking ever again. 

So I might as well embellish in it. 

Sincerely, 

Lost in adulthood

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