The fault in dating today is explained in one phrase:
“We are constantly trying to convince someone to fall in love with us.”
In our distant, social media era, we thrive on people accepting us with indefinite love and obsession. We lack the ability to understand the common stages of acceptance, lust, like, and then love.
We immediately want someone to love us without the preconceived notion of who we are as people. We show our favorite attributes: our favorite outfit, our smiles, our social lives, etc. –We thrive on meeting people with our predestined survey of who we are, what we want, what we accept, and why we are the best person for the job.
The problem with this notion is that we fail to do one thing:
“Fall in love with ourselves.”
We immediately showcase this alternate being of a person, “someone who has a strong lust for life, or someone who has a particular taste for laughter.” Yet we rarely face the ability to express to someone, the darkest parts of our being. The moments when we face our thoughts alone, our fears, or our inability to express who we really are.
We don’t stop to look at ourselves, to understand, to feel the humbleness of being alone. We immediately wrap our minds into this notion that we are something of greatness for this “other” person. That we can alter our minds, beings, and feelings to better feel out this individual. We are in constant motion with “fixing” people–curing the incurable men or women, who we’ve convinced ourselves would change upon meeting our “alternate selves.”
Human beings have always adapted to change. We’ve changed our bodies, minds, and capabilities to better suit, not only our lifestyles but the people we share it with.
Yet we fail to realize that the ultimate truth lies within our own hands.
Falling in love with yourself, is not the act of feeling happy. It means finding yourself in your most vulnerable moment and accepting that you’re complete in every way possible.
Loving yourself is being okay with being sad and happy in one day. It means that the thought of changing yourself for another, is a complete disaster for your inner being.
Because you should never have to convince someone to love you.
Love does not stream from the moments of unexplained happiness, but rather the darker depths of our notions as human beings. Love comes from seeing someone at their very worst being, and knowing that no matter what life may bring, you’d rather spend every second with their worst selves, then being without them for one day.
So before you begin your journey of dating and getting to know people in this social-leading world, you must recognize that the true act of love, is first most accepting yourself as a being capable of flaws and mistakes.
You can’t expect others to carry your flaws and burdens on their backs, if you’re not capable of carrying it yourself.
You must remember that people are capable of struggles, just as you are. Remember to always accept someone for their darkest moments, even if they are not prone to understanding it themselves. If you’re intact with your being, you comprehend much more of another person and their inner struggle.
And last but not least, always remember that being vulnerable or weak, is not always a bad notion. Sometimes, beauty comes from the feeling of “let-go-ness”; of complete freedom of your soul, heart, and mind.
As always falling in love with yourself, is not the answer to your relationship or dating problems.
It is merely the answer to our life long question:
“How do we find happiness?”
And that is rarely found in the hands of another; if not found in the inner workings of our own hands.